"As I write this letter
Send my love to you
Remember that I'll always
Be in love with you"
Beatles - P.s. I Love You Lyrics
Bebe's Story
First, I want to start by saying that I don't want this "new" blog to abandon my Phenix blog for Luke. The intention of starting this blog is to tell Bebe's story. Share his journey. After all, he's Luke's brother, not Luke. And to be completely fair to Luke, he deserves his own blog as well. So, here I sit, beginning Bebe's much deserved story, because to be honest, he's been through the ringer already himself.
So I will start at the beginning of the year - all the way back to January, 2015. Since moving to Texas approximately a year and a half ago, my sinuses have become horrendous. Up to January/February of this year, I had already had seven severe sinus infections, and it wasn't getting better. So I sought the professional help of an ENT and he confirmed that I definitely needed the septum surgery. I was finally "home free"- no more antibiotics, prescription strength medications for sinus issues, I was finally going to be able to breathe.
Then I took the required pre-op pregnancy test and our lives changed forever. March 30th, 2015 yielded a positive pregnancy test and a whole new life for Scott and myself. Well, I don't think I need to draw a picture as to how I got into this situation, it seemed pretty straightforward: BIRTH CONTROL PILLS DO NOT WORK WHEN YOU TAKE ANTIBIOTICS. And since I had pretty much held stock in the antibiotic market for the past six months, it was more than obvious what had happened. And even more obvious that Mama wasn't getting her nose fixed.
But moving on now to Bebe Malone. This ray of sunshine on my soul that I can't get enough of already. He certainly made a shock debut into our lives, but that's kinda how us Malone's roll, it seems. I went to my GP the next day and he confirmed my pregnancy - Bebe was definitely in there! Because I have an amazing GP, he had me coming in every other day to test my hormones and make sure the pregnancy was firstly not a hormonal pregnancy only and secondly to ensure my hormone levels were doing what they were supposed to be doing. Doubling every day for the first four to six weeks. By Friday, we hit our first bump in the road. Hormone levels were stagnant, meaning they were staying the same, not falling or rising.
We woke up that next morning, a Saturday, and I was having the worst cramping in my life. I thought, "OMG, this is it - I am losing this baby." And after an exhausting 5 hours in the hospital ER, the doctor could only give the me advice that there was a very faint heartbeat and signs of active bleeding on the ultrasound, which coupled with my cramps and nausea, meant this pregnancy was terminating on it's own and that I would now be stepping into a world known as "threatened miscarriage" and all that comes along with that. Misery, anxiety, fear, etc. Because in the "threatened miscarriage" world, you aren't actively miscarrying, but you may not have a viable pregnancy, either (or so is the norm).
I was sent home with a broken heart and broken dreams and they wouldn't even let me have a sonogram photo of Bebe. I thought, "My God, if I lose this baby tomorrow, I won't have anything."For the next few days, while I waited to see my OBGYN, I had so many mixed feelings. Emotions that I thought I wouldn't feel again. #1 being FEAR. How could I be given this second chance as a miracle baby and it already be taken away from me? I have only thought about Bebe for two weeks now, but somehow he's as important to me as my own heartbeat.
See I needed him. He didn't know it, the doctor's didn't know it, but I did. I knew that this tiny miracle was my hope at having everything I have ever wanted back. No, it wouldn't bring Luke back to me, but it would bring Mommy back. It would be my second chance at having everything that was taken away back. And I knew I was going to fight like hell to keep this baby viable.
To move ahead about two weeks, I had my very first ultrasound with Bebe. I guess I forgot to mention that when I took that pre-op pregnant test and found out I was expecting, I was 5 weeks gestation. 5 weeks. Let's just say it one more time - 5 weeks. Fresh pregnancy. So after two weeks of waiting, I had my very first ultrasound of Bebe, one I could see and have the pictures, too! I was seven weeks gestation and he finally showed up on the ultrasound machine. His perfect heartbeat. His sweet little arms and legs. Perfect in this mama's eyes. I have been fighting for this little one ever since.
I got a cerclage at 14 weeks gestation to combat that "incompetent cervix" issue I had with Luke and started taking 17HP progesterone shots weekly at 16 weeks to prevent any early labor that may come up like last time. This baby is staying PUT until he's old enough to join the life party as a full term baby!
I have to say that it's been a journey already with Bebe, but I wouldn't trade one thing. He's full of life and he's spunky. He wants to be here with his Mommy and Daddy and Furry siblings, Jackson and Peaches. I realize how incredibly lucky and blessed I am that I went from living in fear for weeks that one of those days would be the days I lose Bebe to lying in bed at night and feeling him kick and graze inside my belly and loving every minute of it at our halfway point, 20 weeks!
This isn't the end of Bebe's journey, or my feelings and thoughts. I will keep writing, but for now I felt obliged to just tell you all Bebe's story.
xoxoxox
mm & bebe
